I gave out funny little hints on Twitter, and to the person in question. I wrote a blog about the internal discussion that I was having with myself and asked others to join the conversation. For me, this journey is at an end. The final insult to injury came when I did, in fact, receive a gift.
For the record, let me say the dollar amount of the gift was never an issue. The gift, to be sure, had to be well thought out and from the heart. A token of sorts to show the level of regret and remorse for the many lies, half truths that had been told to me. I was hopeful the person would get the point I was trying to make and somehow realize if they were willing to put into action the words I was hearing from them, it would be a starting point of mending this relationship.
Well, I did receive my gift. It came just yesterday. It was a bottle of men's cologne that I had commented on previously. The fact it came damaged and leaking, well that is another part of the story. What I did notice was that while the bottle was slightly cracked, the envelope was almost completely dry. The cap was dented and scratched.
It occurred to me that what I had received was, in fact, a used or as one of my Twitter followers called, "previously loved" bottle of cologne. Previously, while pestering the person for clues on what my gift could be, I was told it came with no box so he had to bubble wrap my gift. The bottle was not bubble wrapped but just stuck in a plain manila envelope with bubble wrap on the inside.
As I sat staring at the offending bottle and having my entire apartment become almost a hazardous substance incident, I became very insulted. Not angry, just very, very insulted. There is a difference. After the grievous wrongs done to me, to be sent a used gift, lied to yet again about him having to order it, I was stunned and insulted.
The cologne was most likely an xmas gift. I remember having the discussion about the fragrance and being amazed Avon (of all places) made the cologne. I really do like the smell of it. Every person, everywhere knows that colognes and perfumes come in bottles and sold in boxes. I don't care where you get the cologne, it comes in a bottle, inside of a box. The fact there was a considerable amount of the cologne gone and yet the envelope it came in was dry, leads me to know, this was in fact a re-gift.
I don't care that if purchased, the fragrance would have cost only $22.50 and for the month of March, Avon is having a BOGO on men's cologne, I like the smell of it and would have enjoyed it. It was ruined by the lies leading up to receiving it and then the fact this was a gift to show how sorry this person was for deeply hurting my feelings and betraying my trust. Not the best time to "re-gift" and already used item.
I consider myself a fairly intelligent person. I consider myself pretty good at judging people. I have to say those beliefs in myself have been shaken to the core by this person. I went to bed last night feeling stupid for ever thinking anything would be different with this person. I will not allow myself to ponder the whys and what was he thinking. My only thought was just how very insulted and disrespected I felt.
I awoke this morning and was accosted by this person again, in the form of a text. He "wanted to wish me a Happy Easter." My reply was; "I guess thank you, but I don't celebrate Easter as I am Jewish. All week has been our holiday of Passover, when Moses led the Jews out of bondage." What offended me the most, again, was the fact that not once during this entire week has he wished me a happy Passover. He is more than aware I am Jewish, so for him to make an effort to text me such a message just tells me even more just how very low I rank in his world. Okay I get it.
Even as I sit here writing this blog, I am still stunned, offended and insulted. I know in his head he will turn this around and I will be the bad guy. He did the last time and the time before that. I am thinking I just need to fold this hand. I am not going to get through to this person. He is either unwilling or unable to effect change within himself and so its time to move on.
Sometimes, if I quacks like a duck, walks like a duck, has feathers like a duck, then its most likely a duck. If a person lies, fabricates elaborate tales, provides false information and pictures to back up their lies and when confronted with said lies, gets angry at you, chances are, they are a liar. I am not G-d, nor a trained psycho therapist nor do I want to be. I just wanted a chance to get to know this person. That is no longer the case. I know all I ever need to know.
What I fear the most for this person is he will end up quite alone in life. Lies tend to separate the liar from the rest of the world. There is always a veil which separates them from true intimacy with others. Without intimacy there are not bonds, no friendships, no relationships. I fear this is happening to him right now and I have to say saddened.
For me, I chalk this up to just bad judgement on my part. The hardest thing I will have to face is not letting this affect how I interact with people. I will have to keep this experience in the front of my mind to do so.
I still stand by the premise of my whole argument. Its just too easy for people to say "I am sorry" and skate off without any real consequences. I think instead of saying I am sorry, how about a gift to show the person wronged the offender means they are sorry. It is something I plan on incorporating into my life and my relationships. I don't ever really want to hear I am sorry again, I would prefer, I was wrong, can you forgive me and by the way, here is a small token gift to show you how I really feel.
I wish for peace of mind. I wish for a stillness in my soul. I pray I have learned from this and I conclude this whole sordid affair.
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