Honoring Miss Praleene "Pippy" Harrell

I thought long and hard about what woman has had the biggest impact in my life.  As a man, I found it a little odd that several didn't automatically come to mind.  I thought of several men who have greatly influenced, mentored or shaped me as a man....but a woman?.  It took me a while to figure out my own internal definition of impact.

I had define impact or change.  I have been blessed enough to have had several women come forward in my life to replace the defective woman, my mother, as central maternal figures.  Teachers, co-workers, family friends and those I have met on my many travels across the globe came to mind.  In sitting down to write this blog, one woman kept creeping back into my mind.  I kept thinking was this the woman whom I felt had the most important or unique impact on me as a man, a person and as a citizen?  I decided to sleep on it and make my decision in the morning.

Praleene Harrell is the woman who, for me, offered me some of the greatest gifts, love and insights I have ever received.  Praleen, or Miss Pippy as she preferred to be called knocked on my door one day asking if I had seen her great granddaughter.  I remember the day well.  I was living in Virginia Beach.  The temperature that day had to have been well into the 90's with high humidity.  Miss Pippy was drenched in sweat, elderly and I was concerned.  I offered to get her something to drink while I told her that her granddaughter was next door playing with my other neighbors children.  She politely refused, thanked me and left.  Not a very auspicious meeting to say the least.

For some reason, Miss Pippy's great granddaughter just adored me.  Whenever I would sit out on my front porch she would always find a reason to come over and sit with me.  If I was working on my flower beds or filling up my bird feeders, I always had those cute little hands asking if she could help.  She would always pepper me with questions like, "why do you feed the birds?", "what is the name of the purple flower?" and to be honest on some days it drove me crazy and at other times I welcomed the company of Little Dee.

Miss Pippy and I got to know each other well because she didn't like her great grandchild over at "that white boy's house!"  Finally, one day I had enough.  She would roam the neighborhood announcing I was, as she put it, "one of them homesomesesuals."  I decided to confront her and tell her to knock it off.  I remember walking up to her at the mailboxes.  I was fired up and loaded with bear.

I said my piece to her.  She silently and with that wryly smile of hers just looked at me and said nothing.  She then simply turned and walked away.  I was stunned.  I told her that I thought she was being ignorant, rude and above all cruel to her great grandchild and myself.  Just a few hours later I saw Little Dee on her stoop crying.  I asked her what was wrong?  She told me her Memaw has whooped her behind for going over to my house.  I told her to listen to her Memaw and that we could be friends in our minds.  Whenever we would see each other we could say hi and talk to each just in our own minds.  I told her it was important for her to listen to what her Memaw told her.  She seemed comforted by this.  Its amazing what a 5 year old will believe, thankfully.

Not long after this incident we had a hurricane, Isabel which hit Virginia Beach.  Miss Pippy's townhouse was greatly damaged.  She went to stay with her granddaughter while repairs were being made on the house.  Her granddaughter asked me to keep an eye on things as I lived next door.  While Miss Pippy was going our neighborhood association met and decided to buy and replace the tree that was torn down by the storm which stood on Miss Pippy's postage sized front lawn.  It was a miniature flowing Japanese Dogwood tree.  I was in charge of getting one and getting it into the ground with the help of another neighbor, Miss Addie.

As Miss Addie and I planted the tree we talked.  I got a little background on why Miss Pippy acted the way she did toward me.  We discussed other things like what were her favorite flowers, how she wanted to paint her shutters but couldn't and how she like my brass flower box on my porch.  I decided right then and there to paint her shutters, plant her favorite flowers, and get her a brass flower box.  I called her granddaughter and told her what I was doing and she was thrilled.

Miss Pippy came home a week later and saw her home repaired.  She saw the little tree which had replaced the old one.  Her grass was cut, edged and flowers were planted along the front of her townhouse.  The biggest brassiest flower box was filled with her favorite flower, Forget-Me-Nots.  She stood on her sidewalk crying and I was watching from my kitchen window.  I was so happy she was happy.

It was understood that no one would ever tell Miss Pippy who or why what was done was done.  She was a proud woman and would have "thrown a fit" if she knew who was responsible.  Somehow though, she did find out.  She came over one evening with a check for $100.00.  I would not accept it.  Miss Addie told me she has the same thing happen.  She, too, refused the money.  Miss Pippy stormed off.

A few days later I was walking up the street and Miss Pippy stopped me and asked me if I had eaten dinner.  I told her no, I was on my way home to fix and have dinner.  She asked me over for dinner.  I was a little surprised and to be frank nervous, but I decided to say yes.  I told her I wanted to drop off my bags at my house and would be over in a few.  She told me to "hurry it up, she don't serve no cold food!"

I had the best dinner of my life.  We had fried chicken, black beans, and corn pone.  The ice tea almost put me in a diabetic coma but I drank it up as if it were mother's milk.  That was the beginning of our friendship.  From that point of breaking bread and her feeling she had repaid me for what we had done, she considered us equals.

I learned that Miss Pippy was 97 years old.  The fact she didn't look a day over 65 proves "black don't crack."   Her energy level always made me feel like a slouch.  That woman didn't stop from the time her eyes opened until they closed.  "There is always something to be done and the Lord loves it when peoples work," she would say.  I learned that Miss Pippy was the youngest of 18 children.  Her great grandmother was a slave in Georgia for the Harrell family.  In fact, she had her great grandmother's and great grandfather's freedom papers.  She has married and buried 3 husbands.  Had 9 children of her own.  Miss Pippy's family were share croppers and all were required to stop working after 6th grade to work the land.  I learned she had had a rough life and yet seemed to accept hardship, ignorance and heartache with a grace I had never seen before or since.

What did Miss Pippy teach me?  She taught me to love even if I didn't want to.  She showed that adversity only makes us stronger.  She uttered the phrase which is one of my personal mantra's "every time you do me wrong I will do more good."  She taught me so much I cannot even begin to gather my thoughts enough to try and put them down in this blog.

I taught Miss Pippy to read and write.  I educated her about homosexuals.  One of her sons, Gerald was gay and she had lost touch with him.  I would like to think they started talking again because of me.  I taught her a little about Judaism.   We spent many hours sipping sweet tea and talking.  She taught me how to put a "good scald on chicken" when frying it.  She explained what it was like to be black, a woman and living in the south.  Most of all she taught me what is was to be a man.  To be honorable even though a person my not deserve it.

I miss Miss Pippy now.  As she would say, "she has gone on to her maker."  She died as gracefully as she lived.  Quietly, at home, surrounded by all of us that loved and admired her.  It was where she was the happiest.  I consider Miss Pippy the mother I never had and all of her children are my brothers and sisters.  They consider me part of their family.  All of us that were brought together by this remarkable woman still remain in touch.  Birthdays, marriages, graduations from high school and even colleges now.

I have 3 things that belonged to Miss Pippy.  I have her cast iron skillet (for all that fried chicken), I have a pair of her little white gloves she wore to church every Sunday and a quilt her mother made.  I am sitting with the quilt right now and feel Miss Pippy around me.  The quilt is on loan from her family.  It tells the story of the marriages, births, and deaths of her family.  It will be returned to the Harrell family upon my death, as should be.  I am looking out my window, its snowing and blustery.  I feel so filled with love for this simple, black, short, beautiful woman who have me my humanity back at a time in my life when I felt I had so little.  Her lessons were always simple but profound.  I nicknamed her the chestnut Confucius.  She always had a one liner which fit the situation and would up lift you.

I remember you Miss Praleene  "Pippy" Harrell, of Gwinnett County, GA.  I miss you and promise you that all you taught me, made me see and showed me continues in me.  I share you and your lessons every chance I get.  I wanted to honor you, being this is the week we celebrate great women, for you were, are and always be my hero, my friend and the truest essence of a what a women is.