Torch & Twang And A Set of Dimples

I as sit and gaze out my window from my desk I am flooded with so many different reactions to things I have seen in the last week or so.

Lets begin with the never ending Leann Rimes saga.  I have always like Leann's voice.  Amazing set of pipes on that little lady.  She stopped me dead in my tracks years ago when I heard her single "Blue" on the radio.  I have followed her career and was happy when she married and seemed to be not following the Tanya Tucker route of self destruction, which is so common for entertainers who achieve stardom so early.  Recently, however, I have stopped, paused and even gotten sick to my stomach as this woman has pissed, moaned and sniveled her way across far too many tabloid sheets for my taste.  I followed her on Twitter and watched this selfish, self-absorbed creature try to garner sympathy for the hurtful, nasty actions she has done.

Lets face the facts, Eddie and Leann met on a film.  They had an attraction.  They both claim, for whatever reason, "nothing happened during the filming."  The commenced a tawdry affair after the film though, so I don't get why they made that distinction?  They divorced their spouses and married each other.  Those are the facts.

Okay, so Eddie cheated on his wife and Leann cheated on her husband.  Call me old fashioned but I think they are both scumbags.  I am also a realist.  In reality, people fall in and out of like.  I have and I am sure who ever is reading this has.  The honorable thing would have been for Leann and Eddie to go back to their respective spouses and tell them they wanted out.  Again, color me a prude, but when you make a commitment, such as marriage, its not always about love.  Its a commitment to be with another.

In talking with some older folks who have been married, 30, 40 or 50 years, I hear a common theme.  The theme being about commitment and respect.  "Love is an emotion that can consume everything" one man told me.  His name was Andy.  He spoke to me at length about how he loved his wife beyond words when they married.  I peppered him with questions about his marriage.  He told me, after 15 years felt he was no longer "in love with her" but still loved her as the mother of his children and as a person.  He also related how after love came friendship and companionship.  Sharing mutual goals in life.  He said he always respected his wife and feels that was the crucial aspect that kept them together.  He is still married, 46 years now.  When I asked how he felt about his wife now I was stunned by his response.  "We fell in love, married, had children, and both fell out of what we thought was love.  We then became friends, partners and caretakers of each other's lives.  Once the children were grown we found no other person on the planet new us better than we knew each other.  No one loved us so completely unconditionally as we did.  I thought we were in love 50 years ago but that wasn't love, it was infatuation."

At this point I reached out and touched this man's wrinkled hand and just looked into his eyes.  I was having one of my many "holy fuck" moments.  I really was stunned into almost silence, but come on, this is me, I am never silent, really.  He continued to tell me that love is a process.  You have have attraction and from there, depending on the people involved you grow into love.  He told me he loves his wife with his entire being and couldn't even conceptualize a life without her in it.  He admits to having an affair, as did his wife.  This was one of the many low points in their marriage.  For him, love is trial and error, mistakes and forgiveness.  Living with a person, respecting them, growing together as people and as individuals is how he defined his concept of love.  You know, at this point, I had to ask he would marry me.  He laughed and said my perfect partner will come along.

This man and others prove to me that my understanding of love is commitment.  Commitment is a higher human emotion that is, quite frankly, forgotten lately.  I think divorce is a very real option for people when they just simply cannot work things out.  Sometimes it is better to separate and move on in life.  I also think there is a correct way to do it where the hurt is mitigated and lives do not have to be destroyed.

This is my issue with Leann and Eddie and, to be very honest, many people.  They have their desert before their dinner arrives.  Okay, so Leann and Eddie met, had an attraction.  So what?  Did they have to act on it?  No.  They could have very simply put their loins on hold and had the conversation with their respective spouses and set about ending their marriages before getting together.

I was in a relationship with Brad.  It was, at best, a rocky relationship.  Then I met Michael.  It was instant chemistry.  My body was on fire for this man.  I could not get enough of him.  We would see each other out and just talk.  Nothing more than a shoulder rub or eye contact ever happened.  I wanted to be with him every minute of every day.  Then came the night when he reached out and kissed me.  I still remember that kiss.  I have never been kissed that way again.  I pulled away and was filled with shame.  We talked about how I was in a relationship with Brad and I couldn't do this, I just couldn't.  We agreed to be just friends.

My relationship with Brad ended 6 months later.  I remember walking up to Michael one night and proudly announcing I was single.  I think we ran to his car to have sex.  We eventually moved in together.      We lasted about a year and half.  At the time I would have told you I loved Michael like I loved no other before him.  I can see now that it wasn't love, it was simply and overwhelmingly, an all consuming attraction.  Chemical or emotional it was there..woof.  I still get a tingle when I think of him.

I left Michael because his views on life, love and respect just weren't the same as mine.  We shared very little other than great sex and the ability to argue each other to death.  I miss Michael and wish him well.  I would love to still have him as a friend but he is unable to do that.  I respect that about him.

Back to task.  Leann and Eddie destroyed lives.  They have hurt their ex spouses and dare I say, traumatized Eddies children.  I watched the show on E! about Leann.  This is a very self-indulgent little lady.  I sat gobsmacked in front of my TV as she rationalized her part in such a public, hurtful situation.  The fake tears, the poetic pauses where well choreographed to do what Leann does best, perform.

Her explanation for her traumatic 30 days in Twitter rehab made me sick.  I heard her use the phrases I myself have heard a million times.  "Its strong to reach out for help."  When asked if she had any regrets about her actions, her reply is that she doesn't like the word regret, people "misuse" it.  Of course she doesn't like the word, if she did have regrets that would be a form of admitting she was wrong and she is very, very unwilling to do that.  That unto itself, tells me volumes about her and her character or lack thereof.

I am currently blocked by Leann on Twitter.  I guess she doesn't like my brand of in your face your wrong bitch tweets.  I don't buy the shit she tweets about love, light and rainbows.  Its BS, Nashville style.  Her tweets about another woman's children send me into another orbit of hatred for Leann.  She tweets pictures of Brandi and Eddie's boys in potentially dangerous situations and then when the public reacts, she downplays the seriousness of her thoughtless actions.  This is not a woman I would allow around my houseplants, let alone my children.

One day while reading about another one of Leann's bonehead moves it dawned on me.  Where the hell is Eddie in all of this?  Why is he so exempt from all the tabloid fodder?  He has his part in all this.  Why are people not holding his feet to same fire as they are doing to Leann.  If I was her, I would be pissed off, to say the least.  So why not Eddie.  My conclusion is that we still live in a very sexist society.  The man can cheat and leave, but its the mistress that is the whore, home wrecker.  Not very evolved if you ask me.  When it comes to the children, where the hell is this guy?  Usually quietly sitting off to the side, with his dimples intact smiling and looking oh so handsome.  Gross.  Meanwhile Leann is taking all the heat?  Like her not, what I am seeing is not very fair.

I don't like Leann anymore.  I refuse to support her music because of the hurtful and manipulative way she leads her personal life.  Her behavior on Twitter is repulsive.  Here is a little bit of reality Leann, PR is good for selling a product not erasing your responsibility in hurting others.  You will never spin yourself into being a good, kind, decent person.  Your relationship with your "soul mate" is born out of dishonesty and will probably end there as well.  You lack any part of what I consider to be good character traits to even have me view you as a decent person.  Ditto for you Eddie and even more so since Leann wasn't the first woman you stepped outside of your marriage with.

So I end this blog with just a thought.  Heed my friend Andy's advice.  Commit to honoring, respecting, and growing with another person.  Treat them well.  Forgive them when necessary.  For all that hard work you will be rewarded with a true and enduring love that will make you feel alive.