Over The Rainbow

I am sitting at my desk this morning, coffee in hand and cig burning in the ashtray beside me.  I am watching the Benitez children goofing around as they wait for the their bus to come.  They are of the same age as those little darlings who were so gruesomely murdered on Friday in the Shady Hook Elementary school in Newtown, CT.

I see them laughing, pushing and teasing each other and I feel thankful they are being children.  Filled with happiness and mischief, as all children should be.  I am sure I am joined by the entire world in our grief for the innocent children who were taken from us and those adults who also were slain while trying to protect our greatest gifts.  Watching my neighbors children in some small way reaffirms life for me.

I think I am so affected because like so many, I was sitting in front of my TV when the horrific news broke.  I don't want to to go into details as I think we have all been traumatized enough.  I will say those first unfiltered images were hideous and I hope they are consigned to the back of a closet in the news rooms they came from.

Newtown, CT is a small town very much like my own town of Torrington, CT.  Torrington is nestled in the northwest Hills of Connecticut.    At the right you will see a pic of downtown Torrington at the turn of the century.  It hasn't changed.  We are a population of approximately 28k people.  We are a sleepy little village, not really a town in its feel but rather a village.  As you can see from the picture at the right, we haven't changed that much.  Our main street, anchored with the our lovingly restored Warner Theater Movie Palace is quintessential New England.

I think that is why we, in Torrington were so touched and are grieving for our neighboring town of Newtown.  Newtown is but 30 miles down the road from us.  We share so much in common.

In the past few days I cannot help but to keep imagining the horror and fear those children and adults inside that school must have felt.  Even now the tears fall.  I feel so powerless to stop what happened and I feel even more powerless to help those who have had their lives forever changed.  Powerless is not a feeling I like to have.

I remember other tragedies such as 9/11 and other school shootings and while I felt many of the same feelings of outrage and sadness, this one hit just a little too close to home.  This one, like the Federal Building bombing in Oklahoma City took the lives of sweet innocent children.  The single most defenseless portion of our society.  I think this is why I and all of us grieve that much deeper and I am sure that much longer.

Do things need to change?  Sure.  I have my thoughts and feeling on gun control, mental health parity, and better access to mental health/medical services as well as, instituting some sort of mental health court system to better deal with those who are afflicted with a mental illness.  I don't think locking away those with severe mental illness is an answer.  I would like to see some form of prevention so that events like this don't have to happen.  I don't know.  Nor do I feel I can attempt to have the discussions I know we need to have to ensure this doesn't happen again.

I know my heart is heavy.   I have moments when I feel almost normal and then a song, a news clip reminds me of the suffering that is going on just a few miles away.  I cannot help but weep again for all those affected by the shootings.

When I get sad music seems to soothe me and help lift my spirit.  This morning I thought of a song "Over The Rainbow"  originally sung by Judy Garland for the movie, Wizard of Oz but it was covered by a man, Israel kamakawiwo'ole or IZ as he was known.  Its a beautiful version of a song that I feel brings much comfort to me.  Its just IZ singing the song in his own way, with a Ukelele strumming in the background.  I have included a link to the YouTube video.  Please take a listen, I think you will also find this song and IZ's voice very soothing. http://youtu.be/VmCcNKd58Aw

I know those in Newtown will find a way to move forward and I know I will too.  The only way I know to over the great sadness and grief I feel is to love a little deeper, do more good and to remember those who lives were snatched from us far to early.  I will simply end with a Namastae or Zei Gezunt, in Peace.