When I woke up today I was in a fairly good mood. I had made it through the holiday relatively unscathed. I had actually made it through a "Back Friday" shopping event at WalMart and got the two items I was in hot pursuit of. It was all good. I was bopping around the house cleaning and doing laundry. My plan was to get the housework done early and spend a chilly Saturday afternoon playing on line. I had a Scrabble tournament and looked forward to catching up with some Twitter pals.
I got a simple tweet from a man, Chris. Chris and I have been doing some heavy duty on-line flirting and spending hours on the phone talking. I guess you could say we are dating, except for the fact that we live in different states. I have been liking the getting to know a person before actually meeting them aspect. This is all very new to me, this on-line thing. I have decided to just allow things to unfold. No expectations, nothing but just talking and really getting to know a person.
The person I have met is charming, intelligent, loving and above all, sweet. At first, his level of empathy struck me as not authentic. I thought, no one can be this kind and generous. This guy is the real deal though. Chris has re-awakened something in me I thought had either died or long gone dormant. A little thing called HOPE. As many of you know, my track record in regards to relationships is horrid. This man has awoken hope that there could be a guy who is good for me. For all of my snarky bravado, I am really just a guy who loves to be in love. I, too, have a heart.
Anyhow, I went online, to Twitter and saw Chris had tweeted me. I, of course said good morning and asked how his day was. I got a tweet back which said he was fine now that he was home from the hospital. I was shocked and asked why. Friday evening, Chris's uncle and cousin decided to attack Chris for the sole reason of his being gay! They used baseball bats, kicked him and said some of the most hateful and ugly words on him. He is bruised from head to toe, has a cracked rib and several cuts which have required stitches.
I was thunder struck. How could this happen to a man who is so loving and compassionate. I immediately got very angry. Yet when I told Chris I was weeping because I was so overwhelmed by the horror is suffered, he apologized to me! To me! This is the beautiful type of man that Chris is. Always worried about others and how they feel. He is truly special. I am blessed to have such a man in my life.
When something like this happens to a person who has never had little, if any, violence in their lives the effect is catastrophic. Simply, they have no point of reference or experience in dealing with something of this magnitude. I think this almost compounds the situation and the after effects. I felt I should have been the one to have this happen. I am used to this level of evil. If that can ever be the case.
We can all ask the questions of why or how could someone do this to another person. I, having experienced this type of violence can tell you why or how. Basically, there is evil in the world. People are capable of some of doing some of the most horrific things to each other. I guess that is what sets us apart from animals. Animals don't rape, murder or hate each other based on sexuality. So much for humans being superior huh?
My heart is very heavy at this writing. I am filled with many different and complex emotions. I don't want to understand why they did this. I don't care. I consider them and people like them, to be bad and beyond help and should be put down, like a rabid animal. I am angry because this part of life has touched a person who, until now, had not been privy to such abhorrent behavior. I weep because there is a certain level of innocence which has been stolen from a man and taken from the world. I hurt because his body hurts. I am stoic because I know, I know the depth of just how this will affect him.
Chis now stands in the pantheon with all the others who, before him have been hurt or killed because they were gay. Its a special place where the members hope and pray for no new members. In an odd way, its almost as if its a rite of passage. He has had to join us in the struggle for equality whether he wanted to or not. I really thought the last 20 years had made things better. People were less apt to resort to violence in regards to homosexuality. I guess I am horribly wrong. I am very sad.
So I ask where is the gay community on education? Why are we so worried about Marriage Equality and yet there is still a level of violence against gays in this country? Why is AIDS on the raise again within the gay community and why has there been no outcry because AIDS medication programs are being stopped? Have we come so far and gotten a taste of equality that we are forgetting the fundamentals? I really, and I will probably blog further on this, do think the gay community has, is and will continue to drop the ball on really pushing the whole marriage equality issue. Where is the support this man will need to help come to terms on what happened to him? Is the gay community so obsessed with Marriage Equality as to spend millions of dollars on ballot initiatives for marriage equality yet they won't spend the money to have local, regional help the average gay person can have access too?
Its at moments like this when I really get so angry and disgusted with the gay community. I remember during the AIDS crisis of the 80's and 90's just how organized and galvanized we were. There were local AIDS support offices everywhere. Look around, where are they now? Most have closed. Some state there is no longer a need. I beg to differ. I remember organizing security teams to patrol the parking lots at gay bars in the 90's. So that we could go out and not worry about getting jumped when we left. Where is that level of involvement now? I don't see it.
What I do see is millions of dollars pouring into huge organizations like Lambda Legal, GLAD and others, but I am not seeing anything on a local, state or regional level. There isn't any network for gays who suffer violence as a result of being gay. There isn't. This should outrage and shame gay people. At what expense will marriage equality come? There is more to the gay agenda than that. More needs that are not being met by those organizations that tout they are trying to make out lives better. I am so disgusted I cannot even begin to convey my true feelings.
A small piece of innocence was last on Friday night. The world, yes the whole world, is forever changed. Every time an act of violence is committed the world is darker for it. We are all connected with each other. Every time something like this happens its another reason for someone to remain in the closet and be forced to live in the world of shadows. Lives lived only partly because they are not free to love whom they choose. At this moment I would have to give the human race a score of D-. We are slowly losing our humanity. The one thing that is so beautiful about humans, our humanity is chip by chip, being eroded away.
I live by a simple, yet I feel profound motto. "Every time I see or feel hurt, I will commit an act of love". The only true weapon against evil is good. I will hold Chris. I will comfort him. I will work to help heal him from this atrocity. I want him to know he is brave, kind and above all loved. I vow to not let what happened define him or inhibit him. I see the innocence lost and will help to replace it with wisdom. I will simply choose to love instead of hate.
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