There are times in our lives when we are faced with people or situations where we are often left not understanding, angry or even hurting. Many of you have often heard me utter the phrase, "its all about perspective." Today as I sat waiting for the bus I thought I would share how I sometimes am able to change a very hurtful or trying situation into one that will ultimately benefit me as I go about my journey or this little old thing called life.
Changing perspective is never easy. If it was then most of the conflicts or misunderstanding in the world would never take place. Its a choice. I choose to see the lesson I have been given the opportunity to learn. This is not always the easiest of things to do, especially when I feel someone has either wronged or hurt me in some way. I can either choose to learn or find ways to either get even or ahead of someone or something. For me, to learn is to never have to repeat a particularly troublesome event.
Life presents us with what I like to call Thresholds. Thresholds are an important way for me to transition from say anger to understanding. Thresholds are "defining moments when intention crystallizes into choice." Each threshold or doorway figuratively or literally, transports us to the next situation in which to be present, authentic and/or to learn from.
Each of us every single day pass through these thresholds. These can be experienced as movement in a physical way, as through a door or through a doorway of time (for example, deadlines, schedules, etc.) or through emotional doorways (moving into and out of feelings) or even energy doorways (levels of hunger, tiredness and vitality). What ever form a threshold or doorway takes, it can be a chance to set a personal intention for each moment of that transition.
Buddha spoke of this when he said:
"It is unwise to do things that bring regret
And require repentance,
To cause suffering for oneself
And a weeping and tearful face.
It is wise to do things which do not require repentance
But bring joy and fulfillment,
Happiness and delight."
I find it useful to set an intention when transitioning through a threshold. It only takes a few seconds and allows me to focus on the purpose of each move. Basically, in a broader sense, it gives direction to my day. I can often be found taking a moment of silence, a pause with a deep breath and then mentally saying the following words.
In the next minute,
may I be open to each moment,
May my actions be kind,
May they be beneficial,
May they be of service, either to myself or others.
Seeing life and all of its challenges as a series of thresholds helps me to define how I choose to see, react or learn from life. The intentions I use to walk through these thresholds help me to be centered, focused, present and to relieve anxiety that comes with transitions.
When a tough situation comes my way I see it as a threshold. I know I will experience the situation and then transition through a threshold into a new situation or better yet, a deeper understanding of myself. Life is about choices. We are constantly moving through thresholds, learning, growing and evolving. For me, conflict, strife and hurt are ways to understand more about me. I could concentrate on why someone did something to hurt me or something happened to affect me but I would rather forget the reason why and move on to understanding. Hopefully I have taken or learned what I need to so I do not have to repeat this worrisome situation.
How many of you have ever said, "why does this keep happening to me over and over again?" The answer is simple, for me at least, you have not learned the lesson that was given to you. So you are doomed to repeat painful, stressful situations until you learn what you need to equip you to move on.
I choose to grow. Repeating painful situations for me it excruciating and frustrating for me. To have to feel the same stress, anger and pain over and over again is, for me, a cosmic waste of valuable time and energy. Time and energy I could be using to enjoy life. Even when I feel someone has done me very wrong. I will take a moment to see if there was any other way I might have conducted myself so that when I am presented with a similar situation I can have a better outcome.
Its never easy to see painful or stressful life situations as a series of choices or thresholds. It takes a personal commitment to change. It also takes a lot of practice. Instead of externalizing or finger pointing I choose to look inward and evaluate myself and my actions. I don't always succeed but the effort and commitment are there and I feel I have grown as a person greatly from this practice.
I realized after growing up with a very abusive mother that I wasted many years and much energy and trying to figure out the whys of her actions. I choose now to look back and let her deal with the whys of her actions. I needed to concentrate of me, my reactions, my feelings and ultimately, my healing from the abuse she did to me. This sped up my healing process immensely. Its not about the other person or outside factors, but rather about what we take from situations that is important.
I could have chosen to be biter, resentful and even damaged by what my mother did. Instead I chose to heal. To grow, to learn and to move forward in my own life. I CHOSE my direction. My journey has not affected my mother. She is still the same damaged woman I know and even love, but I am not that hurt little child anymore. I am a grown man who has a better understanding of himself because of what I experienced as a child.
We have no control over what happens or comes our way in life..but....we do have control over how we react to it. If you take nothing from this blog other than life is a series of choices then I will be happy. Each moment is a door, each feeling is an opportunity to grow. To grow and become the best person you can be. Each day is a series of choices and thresholds...how you walk through or decide is ultimately up to you and only about you.
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