One could make a very real argument that I am addicted to Twitter. I love the short, funny interactions with others, most of whom I do not know. I love to see whats on other people's minds. While 99% of my interactions on Twitter are funny, sarcastic and easy I have seen the darker side to Twitter. The darker side are those that use the anonymous nature of this medium to be bullies and well....to just be cruel.
I have over 500 followers. Most of whom I don't interact with every day. There is what I would call my core group. We greet each other and have in many ways gotten to know each other through twitter. I adore my core group. They are an eclectic bunch. They really make me laugh and are sweet.
Recently, I have noticed how some folks like to form a cabal or gang. While tweeting the other day, I received a DM (Private Direct Message) from a follower informing me of some transgression that another of my followers did to her. I replied as I always do. "Oh, really? That person has always been a sweet heart to me, sorry you are going thru that." I never pay much attention to issues that people have between each other. As long as you are friendly to me, I will be friendly to you. These are, after all, not really real relationships. That day I continued to tweet away. Another DM came in. I looked and it was actually 4 DM's. From the original girl and 3 more from others who were now embroiled in some scandal.
The very last DM I opened made my mouth drop open. "If you continue to follow this guy, we will unfollow you!" Holy bat balls, what? I thought. Am I in High School, no Grammer School? I thought about how to handle it and decided to not respond at all. Just as promised I lost 6 people that day and 4 more the next. I guessed I was shown who was boss. I actually laughed if my memory serves me.
I used this as a very tame example of what really happens on Twitter. For starters not many people use their full legal names. I use mine. While my call tag is Mintedroyalty, my name follows right after, Lucien Simpson. I have noticed that people create sub email accounts and come up with cute names for twitter. I don't understand why? Are they afraid that what they say can and will be used against them in real life? Guessing by what I have seen flash by, I would think I am on to something.
The gangs or cabal's that roam Twitter are many. They bully, harass, threaten and intimidate many. I have seen families threatened in real life. If there is peer pressure in real life, then on Twitter its 10 fold. The pressure to come up with funny, interesting tweets constantly is hard. Trying to please everyone, all the time is overwhelming. Many cannot cope with it. I am sure we will see some "condition or illness" be "discovered" by the Psychiatric Association soon as a result of this type of behaviors.
What I have found is that I am not a group person. I have never liked to sit in a circle with others. I have never craved acceptance from the majority. Maybe, just maybe, being gay and Jewish has allowed me to remain above the fray on Twitter. Maybe its the fact that I have my head up my ass most of the time and never even know when a scandal hits. I find I am always asking why? What happened? Lately, I have even stopped asking.
I love Twitter because of the immediacy of it. When news happens it hits Twitter before anywhere else. During the whole Occupy Wall Street Movement, I was in a Tweet chain. Someone would tweet from the scene and then all of us who had signed up retweeted the original tweet to all of our followers and so on. Like the old Breck commercials. It was dynamic and from the comfort of my own home I felt I was part of the movement and actually helping it. Knowledge is power.
The gangs of Twitter use the peer pressure, the immediacy, and the anonymity of Twitter to behave badly and bully many. I have watched as those who may or may not have deserved to be corrected or addressed end up actually fighting for their sanity. I have heard many stories about people who have actually thought or tried suicide because of what happens on Twitter.
Once this poor woman left Twitter, they decided to start on me. I don't put up with bullying of any kind. I just blocked them as they popped off and moved one. For me, you loose one follower and gain two more. This whole situation just made it very clear to me to be very careful to not think anyone on Twitter is a "friend". Friends are for real life.
Has anyone ever asked you to "unfollow" someone? If so, did you? Have others on Twitter told you stories about other users? Did you listen? Did you participate in alienating someone who had not wronged you? Have you asked others to "unfollow" someone? If you answered yes to any of these questions chances are you part of a Twitter gang. You might not have even realized that you were.
My best advice for the use of Twitter? Keep it light, funny and never mistake your followers for friends. Of course you can always find a friend, I have. I have met a couple of people that I actually talk on the phone with. They are great new social additions to my life but nothing more. We share a common sense of humor or a love of a TV program. These people will not hold my hand when I break up with a boyfriend, but rather we can laugh about a current episode of a TV program.
Do me a favor? Next time your on Twitter, just watch, listen. See if you can spot a gang of people harassing a person. If you do, offer the victim some kind words of encouragement. Most of all be your own person. Don't let others dictate who you interact with. Stand up and say no more to the random bullying and gang like mentality that seems to rear its ugly head on Twitter.
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Sunday, May 13, 2012
An Open Letter to Mom on Mother's Day
Mom,
Its been so long since we spoke and I would think you would agree it has been for the best. How are you? Have you found something or someone to bring happiness into your life? The last time we spoke you were angry and full of hate. Can I ask something? What did I ever do to you that made you mad enough to hate me? Do you hate me?
I remember I always had a mouth. I was the type of kid to argue back about anything and everything. Was that enough for you to hate me? I really do think you resent the day you gave birth to me. Proof of this was the day you looked at me and said, "I should have swallowed." I remember my boyfriend looking at me with shock. He couldn't believe a mother would say such a thing to their son. But you and I know you said that and much, much more.
Mom, I have spent the last few years trying to heal from my childhood. A childhood you filled with violence, both verbal and physical, shame and fear. Lets face it Mom, you were a lousy mother. You spent so much time and energy trying to beat and shame me we could never just be happy. Your a miserable person and for years I thought it was because, as you would always say, "your a sick bastard and I should lock you up." I have to ask, what did I do at 10 years old that was so horrible?
I remember all the beatings, the "accidents", the threats, the "punishments". I used to be ashamed. I am not anymore. The one thing I realized as an adult is that we are ultimately responsible for our own happiness. I cannot pretend nor lie anymore about what happened. As the saying goes, it is what it is. It was awful. I also carry no shame for what you did. That is yours to carry.
You know what? I cannot remember a time when something good happened that was not attached to an ugly dark moment. I cannot remember a time in my childhood I did not feel shame and responsible for all the misery you so often told me you suffered. That is sad and you should be ashamed of yourself.
I don't hate you. I don't only blame you. Dad was there. He could have done something to stop you but he never did. He would just sit there and watch you rant, rave and beat me. I hope you get the counseling you so desperately need...so that you could come to terms with what you did to me once and for all. So that you could figure out what happened to you to make you the person that you are today.
Part of the healing process is realizing that I was a child and not responsible for anything. I have heard from every single counselor, doctor and rabbi that I need to forgive you, but keep you away. I am trying but I am not there yet. But what I can do is keep you away.
I guess you could say this is my farewell letter to you. I have to say good-bye so that I can move on with my own life and create a life that is full of love, laughter and most of all peace. I need to be free of you to heal. It would have been better to heal together but I guess your not ready. That is okay. My journey is my own and so is yours.
Your son,
Lucien (a.k.a fucking asshole, retard, sick fuck, piece of shit, liar, jerk-off, pecker head, freak of nature)
Its been so long since we spoke and I would think you would agree it has been for the best. How are you? Have you found something or someone to bring happiness into your life? The last time we spoke you were angry and full of hate. Can I ask something? What did I ever do to you that made you mad enough to hate me? Do you hate me?
I remember I always had a mouth. I was the type of kid to argue back about anything and everything. Was that enough for you to hate me? I really do think you resent the day you gave birth to me. Proof of this was the day you looked at me and said, "I should have swallowed." I remember my boyfriend looking at me with shock. He couldn't believe a mother would say such a thing to their son. But you and I know you said that and much, much more.
Mom, I have spent the last few years trying to heal from my childhood. A childhood you filled with violence, both verbal and physical, shame and fear. Lets face it Mom, you were a lousy mother. You spent so much time and energy trying to beat and shame me we could never just be happy. Your a miserable person and for years I thought it was because, as you would always say, "your a sick bastard and I should lock you up." I have to ask, what did I do at 10 years old that was so horrible?
I remember all the beatings, the "accidents", the threats, the "punishments". I used to be ashamed. I am not anymore. The one thing I realized as an adult is that we are ultimately responsible for our own happiness. I cannot pretend nor lie anymore about what happened. As the saying goes, it is what it is. It was awful. I also carry no shame for what you did. That is yours to carry.
You know what? I cannot remember a time when something good happened that was not attached to an ugly dark moment. I cannot remember a time in my childhood I did not feel shame and responsible for all the misery you so often told me you suffered. That is sad and you should be ashamed of yourself.
I don't hate you. I don't only blame you. Dad was there. He could have done something to stop you but he never did. He would just sit there and watch you rant, rave and beat me. I hope you get the counseling you so desperately need...so that you could come to terms with what you did to me once and for all. So that you could figure out what happened to you to make you the person that you are today.
Part of the healing process is realizing that I was a child and not responsible for anything. I have heard from every single counselor, doctor and rabbi that I need to forgive you, but keep you away. I am trying but I am not there yet. But what I can do is keep you away.
I guess you could say this is my farewell letter to you. I have to say good-bye so that I can move on with my own life and create a life that is full of love, laughter and most of all peace. I need to be free of you to heal. It would have been better to heal together but I guess your not ready. That is okay. My journey is my own and so is yours.
Your son,
Lucien (a.k.a fucking asshole, retard, sick fuck, piece of shit, liar, jerk-off, pecker head, freak of nature)
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Taylor Armstrong & The Trail of Tears
After watching Part 3 of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Reunion last night I was disgusted. We had to endure yet another segment on Taylor Armstrong. The long suffering widow, domestic abuse survivor, housewife and oh yea, mother. Taylor remains a lighting rod for controversy. Her journey this year has been, to say the very least, yet another well executed plan for attention for her. Her late Husband, Russell, only helped her out by committing suicide.
Taylor was, has and forever will be a victim. I have met her type a million times. Always the victim. Never taking any sort of responsibility for anything in their lives. If something goes wrong, instead of looking back on what happened and figuring out how it went wrong, owning her part in and moving forward, Taylor finds a patsy and assigns the blame. She then quivers her overly inflated/silicon lip and waits for someone to rescue her and fix whatever she thinks is wrong in her life. We all know someone like this. They walk across the floor and stub their toe and its not their fault, no, no, no, its the manufacturer of the floor's fault. Also, they didn't just stub their toe, they dislocated it!
When the rumors of abuse that Taylor was receiving at the hands of her husband started I was like a dog. Head up, ears pointing and ready to attack. As a survivor of domestic and parental abuse I cannot abide physical violence in any form. As a gay man, I am particularly protective of women in general. My first thoughts and feelings where how horrible for Taylor and her daughter. As the summer rolled along and the bloggers and gossip sheets were now in full swing, things started to not add up.
At the end of summer, I think we were all shocked with the announcement that Russell Armstrong, the bad guy, had decided to kill himself. Not the easy way by over dose, but to hang himself. Let me tell you, hanging is an ugly, long suffering way to kill yourself. Its not over in a minute but rather several sometimes as long as 10 or more.
My bullshit detector was going off like it has never before. In fact, at one point, it broke from over use. The statistics on domestic abuse will confirm what I am about to say. Abusers don't commit suicide unless they are taking their victims with them. Does it happen sure, like one in million, but for the majority of the time, abusers don't get depressed and kill themselves, they kill their spouses. This was my first glimpse that Taylor was a lying sack of dog shit.
When one of Russell's friends did an interview shortly after Russell's death, this friend told the reporter Russell had confided to him that he was going to get "crucified" by the press when season 2 aired. Again, this is not what an abuser does, its completely outside of the normal profile. This was huge. I know my ex husband could have given a shit what anyone thought of him and his actions. He lived in his own world. In his world he was the victim, that's why he had to teach me a lesson. Russell's family and friends have all come out in support of him. I believe them. If Russell had been so horrible, why not just stay silent? It was not in the best interests of them to come forward in defense of Russell.
The other odd thing was that Russell's first wife, the mother of his two sons was not coming forward. If Russell was so horrible he would have done similar to his first wife. She has remained oddly silent. None of her friends say that Russell ever touched her. Again, my Bullshit Detector was going off.
At this time I was all over Bravo, and Andy, I am a media Whore, Cohen to step up and do the right thing. To take the opportunity to do some good from Russell's death. Educate the public on suicide. Andy and I had a brief Twitter fight. It had come to my attention that Bravo was planning on having the wives sitting around talking about Russell. I tweeted that, I got a curt reply from Andy stating: "Don't believe everything you read". First off, I didn't read it Andy, I am a Media Whore, Cohen, a fellow blogger called me to discuss it. Bravo and Andy's spin control is legendary, just like Mayer and MGM. I knew at that moment I had hit pay dirt. I don't consider myself an "insider" I just have friends who work, write about and are in show business. From producers, dancers, actors, camera personal, etc. You hear things when you know people in the biz.
The next day Bravo airs a special about Russell's death. It was just as I had predicted. They were sitting in a living room and jawing about Russell. I am sure they had all been prepped on what to say and what not to. After all season 2 was coming out in a couple months. Again, Bravo is famous for their gag orders in their contracts. They control everything these women and their families can and cannot say, this would be no different. Bravo blew it. They blew it big time. They had a chance, with a national format to really do some good. Instead they grabbed some ratings. Kyle Richards was crying, everyone else looked like they were pissed at having to be there. The Maloof's in particular looked like they were trying to figure out how to get out of this stupid event.
I have watched every episode of season 2. I have seen Taylor piss drunk sitting in a suitcase pouting like a 4 year old. I have seen her get violent and almost come to blows with the other cast mates. I have seen her react as an abuser and not a victim. I have seen her do to Brandi Granville exactly what she says Russell did to her. I have seen her time and time again talk about her work in the domestic violence world, specifically a shelter for women in Los Angeles. Here is a women who last season threw a $45k birthday party for her daughter, has gone to college, knows about domestic abuse, works with professionals who specialize in domestic abuse and she is silently suffering? Nope, I don't buy it. It doesn't jive.
So after I got done watching part 3 of the reunion, after seeing Taylor all smug, with her little rude and nasty face expressions, watching her lean into a verbal argument with the other wives, I am comfortable in saying Shana Hughes, a.k.a Taylor Armstrong is a lying fraud. During the reunion Taylor mentioned Russell had hit her so hard her jaw was dislocated and over a toilet she popped it back in. Gasp! Right? Funny but in her book she retells the same incident but has herself popping her jaw back in over a bed, not in a bathroom or over a toilet. She also mentions a family friend who witnessed her abuse, yet the person will not discuss it or confirm Taylor's story. Convenient if you ask me.
Its Taylor's behavior that betrays her. I know for years after I got out of my abusive relationship I didn't, couldn't say boo to anyone. I have spoken with, been friends with other survivors of domestic abuse and we all agree Taylor is not behaving like someone who was brutalized by her husband. She is too quick to get into a confrontation with anyone who challenges her or her story.
So folks, these are the facts, Taylor has a shadowy past. A name change and allegations of trying to pass herself off as a Ford (as in Ford Cars). Her mother left her father when Shana (Taylor) was 2 years old. The father paid child support but was absent. Shana's mother never had another abusive relationship. After being a baby for 24 months, the abuse Shana witnessed destroyed her life and now she claims that short time in her life led her to Russell. The evil, mean, nasty, wife beater Russell. Russell and Taylor have started several corporations, with names like the Nobel Foundation, to be confused with the Nobel Peace Prize. In fact the Nobel family has sued the Armstrong's to stop using the name Nobel, they won. Several other corporations have Russell and Taylor associated with them. In fact one IT company proudly boasts Taylor's accomplishments within the IT world. I haven't checked to see if that site is still up and running, but at one point it was.
Taylor and her husband were in my opinion, grifters. The were flim flam artists. They parlayed themselves into Beverly Hills society. Its not hard, act like you have money and your in. As I say, Perception is Reality. Russell has no history of violence I can find. Taylor has a history of lying and deceiving. She is the only woman I know who can have facial surgery and heal with no traces to be seen in days, weeks?
In her book, Taylor reveals that she told Russell he had to move out, leave. He did. Does that sound like a woman who is afraid, has no self esteem and is controlled? No it doesn't. The fact that she did not have to run away in the middle of the night and hide from him just tells me she is, again full of shit. I left my ex and he found me, broke in to my new apartment and beat the living hell out of me. Didn't see that with Russell.
I firmly believe that Russell and Taylor had a violent, firery, relationship. I think the physical violence went both ways. I think they both were very sick and needed a ton of counseling. I think Russell began to realize he was screwed. Everyone was going to believe Taylor and if he said anything about what she had done to him, he would look like a whimp. I think he got very depressed because he was being sued by a great many people. The money was drying up and he couldn't think of a way to spin himself out of such a hole. I am sure he was listening to people who were telling him what Taylor was doing. Basically, she was, yet again, positioning herself to play the role of victim. This way she could get out of the marriage and all the responsibilities that she is now faced with. If this is what Russell was thinking, I think he was right. How sad to see no hope in life.
Timing is everything. Russell deciding to take his life, before the divorce was finalized might have been planned or not. Was it Russell's way to one last time get even with Taylor? Who knows? We will never get the truth from Taylor. The fact that he died while still legally married to Taylor is ironic. Taylor is going to have, for the first time, face the music. She is being sued by many different companies and people. All of his debts are now her debts. I know Taylor will not be alone and I am sure many are lining up to help the poor, long suffering widow Armstrong. Attorney's are donating their services, doctors are lining up to console and counsel her. I have no fear some gallant man, oops that's already happened, will come forward to take up Taylor's cause and honor.
This is Hollywood folks. Taylor and her ever present lip, will soon be a memory. I think Taylor should be ashamed of herself, her lies and her actions. She has set the women's movement and domestic abuse causes back years. She has shown what greed and selfishness can do, kill a man, scae a child for life and turn the stomachs of a nation. Farewell Shana Huges Ford Taylor Armstrong, may you always get exactly what you deserve and nothing more.
Taylor was, has and forever will be a victim. I have met her type a million times. Always the victim. Never taking any sort of responsibility for anything in their lives. If something goes wrong, instead of looking back on what happened and figuring out how it went wrong, owning her part in and moving forward, Taylor finds a patsy and assigns the blame. She then quivers her overly inflated/silicon lip and waits for someone to rescue her and fix whatever she thinks is wrong in her life. We all know someone like this. They walk across the floor and stub their toe and its not their fault, no, no, no, its the manufacturer of the floor's fault. Also, they didn't just stub their toe, they dislocated it!
When the rumors of abuse that Taylor was receiving at the hands of her husband started I was like a dog. Head up, ears pointing and ready to attack. As a survivor of domestic and parental abuse I cannot abide physical violence in any form. As a gay man, I am particularly protective of women in general. My first thoughts and feelings where how horrible for Taylor and her daughter. As the summer rolled along and the bloggers and gossip sheets were now in full swing, things started to not add up.
At the end of summer, I think we were all shocked with the announcement that Russell Armstrong, the bad guy, had decided to kill himself. Not the easy way by over dose, but to hang himself. Let me tell you, hanging is an ugly, long suffering way to kill yourself. Its not over in a minute but rather several sometimes as long as 10 or more.
My bullshit detector was going off like it has never before. In fact, at one point, it broke from over use. The statistics on domestic abuse will confirm what I am about to say. Abusers don't commit suicide unless they are taking their victims with them. Does it happen sure, like one in million, but for the majority of the time, abusers don't get depressed and kill themselves, they kill their spouses. This was my first glimpse that Taylor was a lying sack of dog shit.
When one of Russell's friends did an interview shortly after Russell's death, this friend told the reporter Russell had confided to him that he was going to get "crucified" by the press when season 2 aired. Again, this is not what an abuser does, its completely outside of the normal profile. This was huge. I know my ex husband could have given a shit what anyone thought of him and his actions. He lived in his own world. In his world he was the victim, that's why he had to teach me a lesson. Russell's family and friends have all come out in support of him. I believe them. If Russell had been so horrible, why not just stay silent? It was not in the best interests of them to come forward in defense of Russell.
The other odd thing was that Russell's first wife, the mother of his two sons was not coming forward. If Russell was so horrible he would have done similar to his first wife. She has remained oddly silent. None of her friends say that Russell ever touched her. Again, my Bullshit Detector was going off.
At this time I was all over Bravo, and Andy, I am a media Whore, Cohen to step up and do the right thing. To take the opportunity to do some good from Russell's death. Educate the public on suicide. Andy and I had a brief Twitter fight. It had come to my attention that Bravo was planning on having the wives sitting around talking about Russell. I tweeted that, I got a curt reply from Andy stating: "Don't believe everything you read". First off, I didn't read it Andy, I am a Media Whore, Cohen, a fellow blogger called me to discuss it. Bravo and Andy's spin control is legendary, just like Mayer and MGM. I knew at that moment I had hit pay dirt. I don't consider myself an "insider" I just have friends who work, write about and are in show business. From producers, dancers, actors, camera personal, etc. You hear things when you know people in the biz.
The next day Bravo airs a special about Russell's death. It was just as I had predicted. They were sitting in a living room and jawing about Russell. I am sure they had all been prepped on what to say and what not to. After all season 2 was coming out in a couple months. Again, Bravo is famous for their gag orders in their contracts. They control everything these women and their families can and cannot say, this would be no different. Bravo blew it. They blew it big time. They had a chance, with a national format to really do some good. Instead they grabbed some ratings. Kyle Richards was crying, everyone else looked like they were pissed at having to be there. The Maloof's in particular looked like they were trying to figure out how to get out of this stupid event.
I have watched every episode of season 2. I have seen Taylor piss drunk sitting in a suitcase pouting like a 4 year old. I have seen her get violent and almost come to blows with the other cast mates. I have seen her react as an abuser and not a victim. I have seen her do to Brandi Granville exactly what she says Russell did to her. I have seen her time and time again talk about her work in the domestic violence world, specifically a shelter for women in Los Angeles. Here is a women who last season threw a $45k birthday party for her daughter, has gone to college, knows about domestic abuse, works with professionals who specialize in domestic abuse and she is silently suffering? Nope, I don't buy it. It doesn't jive.
So after I got done watching part 3 of the reunion, after seeing Taylor all smug, with her little rude and nasty face expressions, watching her lean into a verbal argument with the other wives, I am comfortable in saying Shana Hughes, a.k.a Taylor Armstrong is a lying fraud. During the reunion Taylor mentioned Russell had hit her so hard her jaw was dislocated and over a toilet she popped it back in. Gasp! Right? Funny but in her book she retells the same incident but has herself popping her jaw back in over a bed, not in a bathroom or over a toilet. She also mentions a family friend who witnessed her abuse, yet the person will not discuss it or confirm Taylor's story. Convenient if you ask me.
Its Taylor's behavior that betrays her. I know for years after I got out of my abusive relationship I didn't, couldn't say boo to anyone. I have spoken with, been friends with other survivors of domestic abuse and we all agree Taylor is not behaving like someone who was brutalized by her husband. She is too quick to get into a confrontation with anyone who challenges her or her story.
So folks, these are the facts, Taylor has a shadowy past. A name change and allegations of trying to pass herself off as a Ford (as in Ford Cars). Her mother left her father when Shana (Taylor) was 2 years old. The father paid child support but was absent. Shana's mother never had another abusive relationship. After being a baby for 24 months, the abuse Shana witnessed destroyed her life and now she claims that short time in her life led her to Russell. The evil, mean, nasty, wife beater Russell. Russell and Taylor have started several corporations, with names like the Nobel Foundation, to be confused with the Nobel Peace Prize. In fact the Nobel family has sued the Armstrong's to stop using the name Nobel, they won. Several other corporations have Russell and Taylor associated with them. In fact one IT company proudly boasts Taylor's accomplishments within the IT world. I haven't checked to see if that site is still up and running, but at one point it was.
Taylor and her husband were in my opinion, grifters. The were flim flam artists. They parlayed themselves into Beverly Hills society. Its not hard, act like you have money and your in. As I say, Perception is Reality. Russell has no history of violence I can find. Taylor has a history of lying and deceiving. She is the only woman I know who can have facial surgery and heal with no traces to be seen in days, weeks?
In her book, Taylor reveals that she told Russell he had to move out, leave. He did. Does that sound like a woman who is afraid, has no self esteem and is controlled? No it doesn't. The fact that she did not have to run away in the middle of the night and hide from him just tells me she is, again full of shit. I left my ex and he found me, broke in to my new apartment and beat the living hell out of me. Didn't see that with Russell.
I firmly believe that Russell and Taylor had a violent, firery, relationship. I think the physical violence went both ways. I think they both were very sick and needed a ton of counseling. I think Russell began to realize he was screwed. Everyone was going to believe Taylor and if he said anything about what she had done to him, he would look like a whimp. I think he got very depressed because he was being sued by a great many people. The money was drying up and he couldn't think of a way to spin himself out of such a hole. I am sure he was listening to people who were telling him what Taylor was doing. Basically, she was, yet again, positioning herself to play the role of victim. This way she could get out of the marriage and all the responsibilities that she is now faced with. If this is what Russell was thinking, I think he was right. How sad to see no hope in life.
Timing is everything. Russell deciding to take his life, before the divorce was finalized might have been planned or not. Was it Russell's way to one last time get even with Taylor? Who knows? We will never get the truth from Taylor. The fact that he died while still legally married to Taylor is ironic. Taylor is going to have, for the first time, face the music. She is being sued by many different companies and people. All of his debts are now her debts. I know Taylor will not be alone and I am sure many are lining up to help the poor, long suffering widow Armstrong. Attorney's are donating their services, doctors are lining up to console and counsel her. I have no fear some gallant man, oops that's already happened, will come forward to take up Taylor's cause and honor.
This is Hollywood folks. Taylor and her ever present lip, will soon be a memory. I think Taylor should be ashamed of herself, her lies and her actions. She has set the women's movement and domestic abuse causes back years. She has shown what greed and selfishness can do, kill a man, scae a child for life and turn the stomachs of a nation. Farewell Shana Huges Ford Taylor Armstrong, may you always get exactly what you deserve and nothing more.
Monday, November 14, 2011
Conversions Are Not Just For The Faithful Anymore!
As I sit and write this blog, I am overwhelmed by the shear sadness of this topic. Recently, I attended a dinner party thrown by a friend. While we were sitting around the table enjoying dinner the topic of the gay agenda came up. Most of my friends are very aware of my views regarding the gay community and how I feel we have lost our way. With that being said, it was a lively and ultimately heated discussion.
What started out as a discussion on marriage equality quickly became a discussion about the changing attitudes towards AIDS and HIV. When I announced that I have buried 33 people because of AIDS, mouths dropped. Yes 33 of my very close and dear friends. Some college friends, others I had grown up with and those I have dated. All were extremely creative, intelligent and full of promise until they contracted the AIDS virus.
When I was asked how I had seemingly avoided exposure I replied I was in a committed, monogamous relationship throughout the 80's and since then have only practiced safe sex. Mouths again dropped open.
"You mean you have not had unprotected sex in almost 30 years, never?" asked Scott
"No I haven't and I don't plan on it ever again." I replied. There was a stunned silence. I explained that I was tired of having to bury those I care about. I then asked if anyone at the table had buried someone they loved from AIDS. Now the host and I were the oldest. Jeff being 43 and I being 46 years old. The youngest at the table was a mere 27 years young. Everyone looked around at each other. They were examining each other to see if anyone could answer that question. None of them had.
Thad announced he was thinking of going to a conversion party. I had not a clue as to what he was talking about. I thought it was just another underwear or some sort of decorating party. I thought it was a feeble attempt to change the conversation and get the mood up. I cannot tell you my shock, and disgust when I found out what he was talking about.
I asked Thad what a conversion party was. He explain it was a party in which those who are HIV negative get together with those who are HIV positive for the purpose of contracting AIDS. You could have bought me for a hot penny at that moment. I just sat there with my mouth hanging open. I tried to speak and yet could only get out stumbled words and sounds. I am not a big drinker but I remember asking for a double Martini which was quickly swallowed.
"Who in the hell would want to contract AIDS?" "What is the purpose?" I yelled out at poor Thad
"AIDS is not a death sentence now, friends of mine consider it a right of passage into the gay community." he replied. He felt he was actually saying something smart. He was very smug and I am not sure if it was a smoke screen but he got the full extent of my furry.
"First of all, your an ass. That remark tells me you either need to be medicated or certified an idiot and given a job in a sheltered workshop!" Gay gasp now! Those who know me well just rolled their eyes and knew I was about the dress down this little one. "How are you going to get the medications you will need working part-time at a bank? Why do you think I am willing to pay for your medical treatment? Who the fuck do you think you are?"
Thad at this point was clearly nervous and holding onto his partner, Greg, whom I have known for years. I think he even started to sweat. And so he should have. When I got done with him, he would be changed or dead, his call.
"There is the ADAP program for the drugs and how would you pay for my treatment?" he snapped back at me.
"Your an ass, I cannot even believe you are going to debate me when you know nothing. Currently there is a waiting list in Connecticut to get on the ADAP program skippy! So even if you want you will not be able to get the drugs you need before the effects of the virus, which cannot be reversed will begin to kill you. Have you noticed, this country is in the toilet and there is no more money for programs like ADAP. People are dying right now because they cannot get the "miracle" medications that make AIDS so attractive to you. So there you go, there is the huge hole in your theory." I just glared at him.
"How can you diminish all the hard work that I and all the others before you did to find a cure, prevent the transmission of AIDS? You make me so angry I could and should throttle you!" I roared. "AIDS will kill you, maybe not tomorrow but eventually it will kill you but not before destroying any quality of life you think you will have. AIDS doesn't kill you, but all the secondary illnesses will. Your a fucktard!"
"Your just an old Queen who thinks he knows it all, your out of touch with what is really going on", he yelled back.
At this point he stomped out to have a cigarette and I just looked around the room. "Am I the only one that is freaked out by this?" I asked. Charles spoke up first telling me that he had heard of such things but really didn't think it was a big problem. He thought it was just a fringe element that was mentally ill or something. I looked over at Greg. Dear, sweet, always loving Greg. He is probably one of the nicest people I have ever known. He never has a bad thing to say about anyone.
"What the hell are you going to do?" I demanded. "You take precautions with him don't you?" "You are not serious with him, please tell me your not?" I asked
"We practice safe sex and I was not aware of his plans for something like this. We will have to talk about this when we get home." He was calm as always when he spoke to me.
We started clearing the dishes and Thad came back in from smoking. He avoided me and to be honest I just wanted to get drunk and take a shower in bleach. Gary played some music on the piano and then it was time to leave. Walking home I noticed I was angry and scared. I was angry because Thad and his idiot compatriots were undoing all I had fought and sacrificed for. I was scared because my sweet friend Greg was involved with this moron.
In the days since this little dinner party I have done some research. This whole issue is somewhat of a social phenomenon. I have learned there are a couple of different styles of parties.
Russion Roulette: This is where one or more of the those attending are HIV+ . The status of all attending is unknown. Usually those who are negative out number those who are infected. Everyone sleeps with everyone else and at the end of the night those with HIV may choose to announce their status so that those exposed will know if they have been exposed.
Gang Bang: All the people at the party are positive with the exception of one person. Each person has anal intercourse with the negative person. These parties are more rare but generally produce infection more easily.
I am doing more research on this issue. I don't know why it affects me so much, but it does. I know there are two groups. The bug chaser and the gift giver and both have their own reasons for participating. I would imagine the gift giver gets a sense of power and control and the bug chaser is looking for some sort of acceptance. At this point I am just beginning to try and understand and get more information. Please be aware people. Please practice safe sex and please talk about this. This is so important. It potentially can affect us all, physically as well as emotionally. Look for more on this subject!
What started out as a discussion on marriage equality quickly became a discussion about the changing attitudes towards AIDS and HIV. When I announced that I have buried 33 people because of AIDS, mouths dropped. Yes 33 of my very close and dear friends. Some college friends, others I had grown up with and those I have dated. All were extremely creative, intelligent and full of promise until they contracted the AIDS virus.
When I was asked how I had seemingly avoided exposure I replied I was in a committed, monogamous relationship throughout the 80's and since then have only practiced safe sex. Mouths again dropped open.
"You mean you have not had unprotected sex in almost 30 years, never?" asked Scott
"No I haven't and I don't plan on it ever again." I replied. There was a stunned silence. I explained that I was tired of having to bury those I care about. I then asked if anyone at the table had buried someone they loved from AIDS. Now the host and I were the oldest. Jeff being 43 and I being 46 years old. The youngest at the table was a mere 27 years young. Everyone looked around at each other. They were examining each other to see if anyone could answer that question. None of them had.
Thad announced he was thinking of going to a conversion party. I had not a clue as to what he was talking about. I thought it was just another underwear or some sort of decorating party. I thought it was a feeble attempt to change the conversation and get the mood up. I cannot tell you my shock, and disgust when I found out what he was talking about.
I asked Thad what a conversion party was. He explain it was a party in which those who are HIV negative get together with those who are HIV positive for the purpose of contracting AIDS. You could have bought me for a hot penny at that moment. I just sat there with my mouth hanging open. I tried to speak and yet could only get out stumbled words and sounds. I am not a big drinker but I remember asking for a double Martini which was quickly swallowed.
"Who in the hell would want to contract AIDS?" "What is the purpose?" I yelled out at poor Thad
"AIDS is not a death sentence now, friends of mine consider it a right of passage into the gay community." he replied. He felt he was actually saying something smart. He was very smug and I am not sure if it was a smoke screen but he got the full extent of my furry.
"First of all, your an ass. That remark tells me you either need to be medicated or certified an idiot and given a job in a sheltered workshop!" Gay gasp now! Those who know me well just rolled their eyes and knew I was about the dress down this little one. "How are you going to get the medications you will need working part-time at a bank? Why do you think I am willing to pay for your medical treatment? Who the fuck do you think you are?"
Thad at this point was clearly nervous and holding onto his partner, Greg, whom I have known for years. I think he even started to sweat. And so he should have. When I got done with him, he would be changed or dead, his call.
"There is the ADAP program for the drugs and how would you pay for my treatment?" he snapped back at me.
"Your an ass, I cannot even believe you are going to debate me when you know nothing. Currently there is a waiting list in Connecticut to get on the ADAP program skippy! So even if you want you will not be able to get the drugs you need before the effects of the virus, which cannot be reversed will begin to kill you. Have you noticed, this country is in the toilet and there is no more money for programs like ADAP. People are dying right now because they cannot get the "miracle" medications that make AIDS so attractive to you. So there you go, there is the huge hole in your theory." I just glared at him.
"How can you diminish all the hard work that I and all the others before you did to find a cure, prevent the transmission of AIDS? You make me so angry I could and should throttle you!" I roared. "AIDS will kill you, maybe not tomorrow but eventually it will kill you but not before destroying any quality of life you think you will have. AIDS doesn't kill you, but all the secondary illnesses will. Your a fucktard!"
"Your just an old Queen who thinks he knows it all, your out of touch with what is really going on", he yelled back.
At this point he stomped out to have a cigarette and I just looked around the room. "Am I the only one that is freaked out by this?" I asked. Charles spoke up first telling me that he had heard of such things but really didn't think it was a big problem. He thought it was just a fringe element that was mentally ill or something. I looked over at Greg. Dear, sweet, always loving Greg. He is probably one of the nicest people I have ever known. He never has a bad thing to say about anyone.
"What the hell are you going to do?" I demanded. "You take precautions with him don't you?" "You are not serious with him, please tell me your not?" I asked
"We practice safe sex and I was not aware of his plans for something like this. We will have to talk about this when we get home." He was calm as always when he spoke to me.
We started clearing the dishes and Thad came back in from smoking. He avoided me and to be honest I just wanted to get drunk and take a shower in bleach. Gary played some music on the piano and then it was time to leave. Walking home I noticed I was angry and scared. I was angry because Thad and his idiot compatriots were undoing all I had fought and sacrificed for. I was scared because my sweet friend Greg was involved with this moron.
In the days since this little dinner party I have done some research. This whole issue is somewhat of a social phenomenon. I have learned there are a couple of different styles of parties.
Russion Roulette: This is where one or more of the those attending are HIV+ . The status of all attending is unknown. Usually those who are negative out number those who are infected. Everyone sleeps with everyone else and at the end of the night those with HIV may choose to announce their status so that those exposed will know if they have been exposed.
Gang Bang: All the people at the party are positive with the exception of one person. Each person has anal intercourse with the negative person. These parties are more rare but generally produce infection more easily.
I am doing more research on this issue. I don't know why it affects me so much, but it does. I know there are two groups. The bug chaser and the gift giver and both have their own reasons for participating. I would imagine the gift giver gets a sense of power and control and the bug chaser is looking for some sort of acceptance. At this point I am just beginning to try and understand and get more information. Please be aware people. Please practice safe sex and please talk about this. This is so important. It potentially can affect us all, physically as well as emotionally. Look for more on this subject!
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