As I sit and write this blog, I am overwhelmed by the shear sadness of this topic. Recently, I attended a dinner party thrown by a friend. While we were sitting around the table enjoying dinner the topic of the gay agenda came up. Most of my friends are very aware of my views regarding the gay community and how I feel we have lost our way. With that being said, it was a lively and ultimately heated discussion.
What started out as a discussion on marriage equality quickly became a discussion about the changing attitudes towards AIDS and HIV. When I announced that I have buried 33 people because of AIDS, mouths dropped. Yes 33 of my very close and dear friends. Some college friends, others I had grown up with and those I have dated. All were extremely creative, intelligent and full of promise until they contracted the AIDS virus.
When I was asked how I had seemingly avoided exposure I replied I was in a committed, monogamous relationship throughout the 80's and since then have only practiced safe sex. Mouths again dropped open.
"You mean you have not had unprotected sex in almost 30 years, never?" asked Scott
"No I haven't and I don't plan on it ever again." I replied. There was a stunned silence. I explained that I was tired of having to bury those I care about. I then asked if anyone at the table had buried someone they loved from AIDS. Now the host and I were the oldest. Jeff being 43 and I being 46 years old. The youngest at the table was a mere 27 years young. Everyone looked around at each other. They were examining each other to see if anyone could answer that question. None of them had.
Thad announced he was thinking of going to a conversion party. I had not a clue as to what he was talking about. I thought it was just another underwear or some sort of decorating party. I thought it was a feeble attempt to change the conversation and get the mood up. I cannot tell you my shock, and disgust when I found out what he was talking about.
I asked Thad what a conversion party was. He explain it was a party in which those who are HIV negative get together with those who are HIV positive for the purpose of contracting AIDS. You could have bought me for a hot penny at that moment. I just sat there with my mouth hanging open. I tried to speak and yet could only get out stumbled words and sounds. I am not a big drinker but I remember asking for a double Martini which was quickly swallowed.
"Who in the hell would want to contract AIDS?" "What is the purpose?" I yelled out at poor Thad
"AIDS is not a death sentence now, friends of mine consider it a right of passage into the gay community." he replied. He felt he was actually saying something smart. He was very smug and I am not sure if it was a smoke screen but he got the full extent of my furry.
"First of all, your an ass. That remark tells me you either need to be medicated or certified an idiot and given a job in a sheltered workshop!" Gay gasp now! Those who know me well just rolled their eyes and knew I was about the dress down this little one. "How are you going to get the medications you will need working part-time at a bank? Why do you think I am willing to pay for your medical treatment? Who the fuck do you think you are?"
Thad at this point was clearly nervous and holding onto his partner, Greg, whom I have known for years. I think he even started to sweat. And so he should have. When I got done with him, he would be changed or dead, his call.
"There is the ADAP program for the drugs and how would you pay for my treatment?" he snapped back at me.
"Your an ass, I cannot even believe you are going to debate me when you know nothing. Currently there is a waiting list in Connecticut to get on the ADAP program skippy! So even if you want you will not be able to get the drugs you need before the effects of the virus, which cannot be reversed will begin to kill you. Have you noticed, this country is in the toilet and there is no more money for programs like ADAP. People are dying right now because they cannot get the "miracle" medications that make AIDS so attractive to you. So there you go, there is the huge hole in your theory." I just glared at him.
"How can you diminish all the hard work that I and all the others before you did to find a cure, prevent the transmission of AIDS? You make me so angry I could and should throttle you!" I roared. "AIDS will kill you, maybe not tomorrow but eventually it will kill you but not before destroying any quality of life you think you will have. AIDS doesn't kill you, but all the secondary illnesses will. Your a fucktard!"
"Your just an old Queen who thinks he knows it all, your out of touch with what is really going on", he yelled back.
At this point he stomped out to have a cigarette and I just looked around the room. "Am I the only one that is freaked out by this?" I asked. Charles spoke up first telling me that he had heard of such things but really didn't think it was a big problem. He thought it was just a fringe element that was mentally ill or something. I looked over at Greg. Dear, sweet, always loving Greg. He is probably one of the nicest people I have ever known. He never has a bad thing to say about anyone.
"What the hell are you going to do?" I demanded. "You take precautions with him don't you?" "You are not serious with him, please tell me your not?" I asked
"We practice safe sex and I was not aware of his plans for something like this. We will have to talk about this when we get home." He was calm as always when he spoke to me.
We started clearing the dishes and Thad came back in from smoking. He avoided me and to be honest I just wanted to get drunk and take a shower in bleach. Gary played some music on the piano and then it was time to leave. Walking home I noticed I was angry and scared. I was angry because Thad and his idiot compatriots were undoing all I had fought and sacrificed for. I was scared because my sweet friend Greg was involved with this moron.
In the days since this little dinner party I have done some research. This whole issue is somewhat of a social phenomenon. I have learned there are a couple of different styles of parties.
Russion Roulette: This is where one or more of the those attending are HIV+ . The status of all attending is unknown. Usually those who are negative out number those who are infected. Everyone sleeps with everyone else and at the end of the night those with HIV may choose to announce their status so that those exposed will know if they have been exposed.
Gang Bang: All the people at the party are positive with the exception of one person. Each person has anal intercourse with the negative person. These parties are more rare but generally produce infection more easily.
I am doing more research on this issue. I don't know why it affects me so much, but it does. I know there are two groups. The bug chaser and the gift giver and both have their own reasons for participating. I would imagine the gift giver gets a sense of power and control and the bug chaser is looking for some sort of acceptance. At this point I am just beginning to try and understand and get more information. Please be aware people. Please practice safe sex and please talk about this. This is so important. It potentially can affect us all, physically as well as emotionally. Look for more on this subject!
